do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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