I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
