I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
