My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
