Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
