You work out of a Hotel?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
