The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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