did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize