you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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