butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
