You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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