fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
