I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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