I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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