i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
