ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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