Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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