I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
