guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You ruined the universe
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
