Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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