We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
