She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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