My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
