It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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