But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
high people should be assigned attendants
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
