Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
