is your mom at the bar?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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