Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
