when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
