AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
