she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
