i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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