is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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