Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
