You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
