Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
