he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
