do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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