you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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