hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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