The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
