SEEEEXXX PLEASE
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
pray to the hookup gods
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
