apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
