Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
