My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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