why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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