Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
