I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
