dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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