Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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