I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
