I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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