Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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