Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
