sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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