For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize