batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
