mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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