I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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