im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize