I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
