You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
