One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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