you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
