Kareoke will never be a sober sport
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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