I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
