so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
