Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Never underestimate the power of titties
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
