Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you had me at cake vodka
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize