dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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