I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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