Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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