how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
