If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
