I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
