Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
