she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
