finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
