she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
