he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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