he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
