6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
