I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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