saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
