How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
