Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize