i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
