i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
