did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
