your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
