Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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