why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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