I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
