I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
