i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
