someone threw a dead crab at me
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
