A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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