i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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