i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
