I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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