I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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