hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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