Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
