Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
