At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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