The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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