If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
