Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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