I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
