Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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