I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
