I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I forget how to act sober
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
