What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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