That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
