Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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