nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
