I accidentally burped into my bong.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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