So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
