remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
