it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I am one with the molecules
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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